Duck Soup
Director Leo McCarey and writer Bert Kalmar dip into the vitamin jar to come up with Duck Soup (1933), a cosmic and brilliant political farce every bit as timely today as when it was release between the two world wars. The choreography and songs are far less jarring here than in most comedies of that period and the one-liners that Groucho snaps back with are still indescribably hilarious.
Mrs Teasdale: This is a gala day for you.
Rufus T. Firefly: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did. Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it--I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Mrs Teasdale: This is a gala day for you.
Rufus T. Firefly: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did. Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it--I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Grand Hotel
Many contemporary viewers approach Grand Hotel (1932) with considerable trepidation. With a name like that and being located in Berlin between the two World Wars, one gets a feeling that this is nothing at all like "Dynasty" or "Knotts Landing," where at least the shallow people are so bloody attractive.
Well, ye boys and girls, it's time to come clean. Grand Hotel is so great a movie that it not only stands on its own two rather colossal feet but even goes so far as to create an entirely new way for audiences to enjoy a motion picture. Hell's Bells and Heck's Becks, the first motion picture with synchronized dialogue sequences (The Jazz Singer) had only been released five years earlier and along comes this incredibly large movie with virtually no plot at all, at least not in the way that we would think of plot until thirty-eight years later when Robert Altman came along and gave us a whole slew of movies shorn of trivials such as a traditional storyline. One of Grand Hotel's darker characters sums this plot up quite well when he says, "People come, people go, nothing ever happens."
Of course, plenty happens, but not in a connect-the-dot manner. And everything that happens is invariably something other than what it initially appears to be. Take for instance John Barrymore. He plays the Baron. One problem he has is that he is not really a Baron. Another problem is that he hasn't any money. An even bigger problem is that he is a hotel thief sent by a mean guy to whom he owes a lot of money to go steal Greta Garbo's pearls. But Barrymore, who in this film really is a thief, in the sense of stealing every scene he's in, turns out to be quite honest and even heroic. Stranger yet he falls in love with Garbo (which isn't all that strange except for the way it happens here) and comes to the defense of Mr. Kringelein, who just happens to be played by John's brother Lionel Barrymore. You couldn't find two more unlikely looking brothers if you searched through a hundred years of film. John the baron thief honest guy is so freaking suave and classy that you realize instantly that people such as Bogart and Cary Grant and yes even Marlon Brando would have been unthinkable had Barrymore not been there to show them the way. As the sad and touching man who believes himself to be terminally ill, Lionel gives new meaning to the idea of humility and courage, so much so that various cinematic nebbishes as Woody Allen, or the fictional George Costanza or George McFly could not have existed without Lionel happening first.
We're obviously off to a great start. We have Garbo uttering her famous line, "I want to be alone!" We have the Barrymore Boys supporting one another. You'll never guess what else! Joan Crawford is here and sonofagun if she ain't a real breathtaking beauty. Now anyone who ever sat through all two hours of Whatever Happened to Baby Janewill be delighted to proclaim that Joanie was a lot of things and that beautiful ain't quite the first thing to come to mind and who tells you that is right. But dammit all back and forth if I could even believe it wasCrawford playing the gorgeous stenographer until the roomie looked it up for me halfway through the feature. She hadn't learned all that hyperbolic screeching and hideous over acting that would later plague all those who got within spitting distance. Here she's a really gem and we don't go far or long before we hope she and the Baron will hook up big time. Early on John and Joan trade barbs and innuendos so hot and fast it'll get you psychologically aroused before your body even knows what's happening. Just as true, when she gives in a little bit to the evil General Director Preysing, also known as Wallace Beery, you just want to die inside and for real because these people are so excitingly exact that there is no question they really do come and go and one hell of a lot happens. When Lionel stands up to Beery, saying in effect, "You can't fire me you fat fuck because I'm already dead!' around my house we all stood up and cheered Lionel and dropped our pants to moon Beery.
Believe it or not, we're just getting started. The Baron falls for Garbo, saving her from a life of suicide. She falls back for him, which makes his attempted tryst with Crawford a mite sticky, but he's able to pawn Joan off on Lionel while Beery stomps and snorts. Garbo's character, Grusinskaya the dancer, suffers from what used to be called manic depression and the Baron is just the mania she needs. If I tell you much more it would ruin the experience and what's more mere words don't do any good at this point because when Vicky Baum's rewrite of William A. Drake's play doesn't dazzle you, director Edmund Goulding's amazing beautification of the hotel will spin your head around just as fast as the characters come and go. With great subtlety Goulding even manages to give each character his or her own theme music accompanied by the sense that the music is being played by an orchestra somewhere down near the ballroom. Gouldin would continue to direct movies for decades but the closest he ever came to capturing the glory of Grand Hotel was in 1939 with Dark Victory.
Earlier this year Warner Bros released a restored version of Grand Hotel on Blu-Ray (eeks, ooh!) and it's readily available on standard DVD as well as showing up occasionally on TCM. The main thing you need to know is that this does not look like an old movie despite it being eighty-one years old. A lot of that is due to the timelessness of the acting. A good bit of it can be attributed to the decent if not spectacular restoration job. But the main reason this movie still packs them in is because that ironically nonexistent storyline grabs you be the belt and collar and just keeps swinging you back and forth until you learn to love the ride.
You want to know what's really old about this movie? The fact that it's so good. At the risk of sounding like an oldster my own damned self, I have to stand on a box and declare that today we do not have anyone appearing in pictures who can hold the jock strap of John Barrymore. That's mostly because we don't have an impressive gaggle of actors, although we sho nuff do have our share of movie stars. You know what movie stars are? Movie stars are the cretins that Rod Stewart used to fuck when he could still get it up. Movie stars are Tom Cruise and Megan Fox, Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogan and Lindsay Lohan. Actual great actors alive today (unless somebody passed away while I was trying to figure out this list) would be Meryl Streep Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Emma Thompson, Patricia Arquette, Annette Bening, Jessica Lange, Jennifer Connelly, Joan Allen, Charlize Theron, Christian Bale, Johnny Depp, Bob Hoskins, Ned Beatty, Warren Beatty, Alan Arkin, Javier Bardem, Bill Murray, Jodie Foster (even though she's retired), Tim Robbins, Don Cheadle, Sissy Spacek, Julie Christie, Chris Cooper, Ed Harris, Max von Sydow, Edward Norton, Samuel L. Jackson, Sean Penn, Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, and Robert DeNiro, at least half of whom are over fifty years of age. There's lots and lots of great real actors around and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Lots of great scripts are written all the time and once in a while those scripts actually make it to the screen. There's all kinds of great young directors out there as well as a few of the old masters. So why can't we get another movie made that's maybe even half as enjoyable as Grand Hotel? After all, they say anyone can make a movie these days.
Of course, plenty happens, but not in a connect-the-dot manner. And everything that happens is invariably something other than what it initially appears to be. Take for instance John Barrymore. He plays the Baron. One problem he has is that he is not really a Baron. Another problem is that he hasn't any money. An even bigger problem is that he is a hotel thief sent by a mean guy to whom he owes a lot of money to go steal Greta Garbo's pearls. But Barrymore, who in this film really is a thief, in the sense of stealing every scene he's in, turns out to be quite honest and even heroic. Stranger yet he falls in love with Garbo (which isn't all that strange except for the way it happens here) and comes to the defense of Mr. Kringelein, who just happens to be played by John's brother Lionel Barrymore. You couldn't find two more unlikely looking brothers if you searched through a hundred years of film. John the baron thief honest guy is so freaking suave and classy that you realize instantly that people such as Bogart and Cary Grant and yes even Marlon Brando would have been unthinkable had Barrymore not been there to show them the way. As the sad and touching man who believes himself to be terminally ill, Lionel gives new meaning to the idea of humility and courage, so much so that various cinematic nebbishes as Woody Allen, or the fictional George Costanza or George McFly could not have existed without Lionel happening first.
We're obviously off to a great start. We have Garbo uttering her famous line, "I want to be alone!" We have the Barrymore Boys supporting one another. You'll never guess what else! Joan Crawford is here and sonofagun if she ain't a real breathtaking beauty. Now anyone who ever sat through all two hours of Whatever Happened to Baby Janewill be delighted to proclaim that Joanie was a lot of things and that beautiful ain't quite the first thing to come to mind and who tells you that is right. But dammit all back and forth if I could even believe it wasCrawford playing the gorgeous stenographer until the roomie looked it up for me halfway through the feature. She hadn't learned all that hyperbolic screeching and hideous over acting that would later plague all those who got within spitting distance. Here she's a really gem and we don't go far or long before we hope she and the Baron will hook up big time. Early on John and Joan trade barbs and innuendos so hot and fast it'll get you psychologically aroused before your body even knows what's happening. Just as true, when she gives in a little bit to the evil General Director Preysing, also known as Wallace Beery, you just want to die inside and for real because these people are so excitingly exact that there is no question they really do come and go and one hell of a lot happens. When Lionel stands up to Beery, saying in effect, "You can't fire me you fat fuck because I'm already dead!' around my house we all stood up and cheered Lionel and dropped our pants to moon Beery.
Believe it or not, we're just getting started. The Baron falls for Garbo, saving her from a life of suicide. She falls back for him, which makes his attempted tryst with Crawford a mite sticky, but he's able to pawn Joan off on Lionel while Beery stomps and snorts. Garbo's character, Grusinskaya the dancer, suffers from what used to be called manic depression and the Baron is just the mania she needs. If I tell you much more it would ruin the experience and what's more mere words don't do any good at this point because when Vicky Baum's rewrite of William A. Drake's play doesn't dazzle you, director Edmund Goulding's amazing beautification of the hotel will spin your head around just as fast as the characters come and go. With great subtlety Goulding even manages to give each character his or her own theme music accompanied by the sense that the music is being played by an orchestra somewhere down near the ballroom. Gouldin would continue to direct movies for decades but the closest he ever came to capturing the glory of Grand Hotel was in 1939 with Dark Victory.
Earlier this year Warner Bros released a restored version of Grand Hotel on Blu-Ray (eeks, ooh!) and it's readily available on standard DVD as well as showing up occasionally on TCM. The main thing you need to know is that this does not look like an old movie despite it being eighty-one years old. A lot of that is due to the timelessness of the acting. A good bit of it can be attributed to the decent if not spectacular restoration job. But the main reason this movie still packs them in is because that ironically nonexistent storyline grabs you be the belt and collar and just keeps swinging you back and forth until you learn to love the ride.
You want to know what's really old about this movie? The fact that it's so good. At the risk of sounding like an oldster my own damned self, I have to stand on a box and declare that today we do not have anyone appearing in pictures who can hold the jock strap of John Barrymore. That's mostly because we don't have an impressive gaggle of actors, although we sho nuff do have our share of movie stars. You know what movie stars are? Movie stars are the cretins that Rod Stewart used to fuck when he could still get it up. Movie stars are Tom Cruise and Megan Fox, Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogan and Lindsay Lohan. Actual great actors alive today (unless somebody passed away while I was trying to figure out this list) would be Meryl Streep Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Emma Thompson, Patricia Arquette, Annette Bening, Jessica Lange, Jennifer Connelly, Joan Allen, Charlize Theron, Christian Bale, Johnny Depp, Bob Hoskins, Ned Beatty, Warren Beatty, Alan Arkin, Javier Bardem, Bill Murray, Jodie Foster (even though she's retired), Tim Robbins, Don Cheadle, Sissy Spacek, Julie Christie, Chris Cooper, Ed Harris, Max von Sydow, Edward Norton, Samuel L. Jackson, Sean Penn, Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, and Robert DeNiro, at least half of whom are over fifty years of age. There's lots and lots of great real actors around and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Lots of great scripts are written all the time and once in a while those scripts actually make it to the screen. There's all kinds of great young directors out there as well as a few of the old masters. So why can't we get another movie made that's maybe even half as enjoyable as Grand Hotel? After all, they say anyone can make a movie these days.